End The Mexican Uprising

Fellow Americans:

We have a big problem on our hands. It is a problem that is facing the whole of America and is dangerously close to creating a worldwide fervor. Not terrorism, drugs, or obesity! Quite simply, the problem is Mexico.

Mexico showcases itself as some poor country with drinking water that exacts "Montezuma's Revenge", and migrant workers that want nothing other than to cross the border into the good old U.S. of A. But there is a much deeper, more calculated, and darker side of Mexico that I think you should all know about. They are plotting a world takeover, starting with the U.S.

By now, I'm sure you are asking yourself, "How could Mexico possibly take over the U.S.? Do they even have a gun?"

Well, probably not, but they have a more effective weapon in their artillery barracks. That weapon being, of course, the phenomenon known as "Salsification." We've already seen one of our finest faux-authentic Mexican restaurants--Chi-Chi's--fall under the evil power of Salsification. Can Taco Bell and La Bamba be far behind? It is safe to say that this problem, now threatening our children and their children as well as the adult population, can be attributed to the authenticity of Peco Willie's Taco Stand in East LA and Bloomington, Indiana's own authentic Mexican cantina, La Torre. These Mexican "hack shops" run by real-life Mexicans (known also as the dark lords of the Salsification) are bringing this deadly phenomenon to every American city through cheap labor and cheap food (because they make it themselves, how evil is that?), taking the unsuspecting population of Americans by storm.

However, as always when I present a problem to you fine American folks, I always offer a solution. Now, I offer you a stand against the Salsification of America. Don't eat Mexican food. If you absolutely can't stand it and must have Mexican cuisine, then have the patriotism to sign this petition Petition and once and for all end the unchecked Salsification of America.

Thank you.

Gregory Ryhal was born and raised in southeastern Indiana. He is an aspiring actor, researcher and writer and has recently completed a baseball research project on Frank Chance that will be published in a compilation of other authors' works in late 2003. His current projects include researching and writing historical fiction stories about World War II and the lead roles in two upcoming independent films.

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