Badzilla



During the last thunder and lightning storm just off Creepon Beach, there was a massive lightning strike about four miles out in the Gulf of Mexico. Suddenly, from the still boiling waters there rose a huge lizard like monster. With thundering foot steps the monster turned toward the quiet community of Creepon Beach. Its glowing red eyes and fiery breath kind of indicated it might just be up to no good.

Slowly and with a menacing stare the one hundred fifty foot tall monster approached the beach. Static electricity from the lightning strike raced up and down its back on the protruding plates which acted like a giant capacitor. Periodic blasts of electrical energy leapt from the monsters finger tips. Fire belched from its mouth as it roared its challenge toward the sleepy community.

Naturally, Mount Perry’s ace reporter, Mr. Badnews Hunter, took up a position in the observation deck of the extra tall Mount Perry Radio Station antenna where he could watch and report to the world on the raging battle.

The monster was named when a concerned citizen raced down the main street of Creepon Beach screaming “BADZILLA IS COMING! BADZILLA COMES TO DESTROY US!” Unfortunately, the citizen, having been rousted from a sound sleep by all the noise, was not properly attired for a public appearance. He was promptly arrested for “Public Indecency”.

At about the three mile marker, the monster apparently stepped on “Tentacles”, the resident giant, man eating octopus who lived there. The resulting battle was short but decisive. The giant octopus was almost instantly transformed into the makings for about ten thousand pounds of “Taco Sushi”.

Naturally, everyone in both the towns of Creepon Beach and Mount Perry gathered on the shoreline with bowls of rice and Wasabi Mustard. Never let it be said the citizenry around here ever let anything go to waste. At this point, Badzilla, confused by all the activity and cheering on the beach, stopped his approach and sat in the water at the three mile marker to try and figure out what the heck was happening on the beach.

Truckloads of cold beer and hot Saki arrived at the beach shortly thereafter. There was a wild beach party until all the shredded remains of poor old Tentacles were consumed. One brave soul even waded out to the three mile marker with a raft loaded with three hundred pounds of Taco Sushi for Badzilla. Unfortunately badzilla was unsure of just where the sushi and raft ended and the drunken man began, so he ate both with equal relish.

Naturally, all the empty beer cans were dumped into the Creepon Beach International Shipping Channel. There were more monumental lightning strikes on the beer cans in the water and the crowd cheered as if it were a fireworks display.

Fortunately, as Badzilla got closer to the shore line, our very own Budmonster oozed up from the vast Creepon Beach International Shipping Channel. As we all know, the Budmonster is an amalgam of beer cans and the primordial ooze from the swamps that drain into the headwaters of the channel. Apparently the same lightning strikes that gave life to Badzilla also revived the Budmonster.

Now the two monsters stood face to beer can and mud, as the Budmonster prepared to defend its home at Creepon Beach. A massive electrical charge emanated from Badzilla which blew the Budmonster into tiny bits of primordial mud. The mud immediately reconstituted itself, rose up and spread itself over Badzilla.

A monumental struggle ensued as Badzilla attempted to extricate itself from the Budmonster’s grasp. Fire and electrical bolts flashed in every direction. Both monsters now roared and struggled as the crowd on the beach cheered their favorite monster on to victory.

The two struggling monster rolled through the foaming waters toward Creepon Beach. On reaching land the fight continued and escalated in violence as the two warring monsters began crushing all the buildings in their path. The fight raged on down the center of Creepon Beach’s vast business district. It was fairly obvious right from the start the two monsters were too evenly matched for a rapid outcome of the battle.

The battle raged on and every building in Creepon Beach was eventually laid flat except the hot dog stand at the beach. For some strange reason both monsters seemed to take great pains to avoid damaging this one particular building. No one has a clue why.

Then just as all seemed lost and the two raging monster brought their war ever closer to Mount Perry itself, our very own expert on all monsters, Dr. Bigge Lizard, recommended dropping the electrical lines from the massive Mount Perry Hydro Electrical Company, into the swamps in an effort to revive our very own monster, “Goodzilla”.

This was immediately done and the entire output from all the Mount Perry Hydro Electrical generators was discharged into the mud a few miles inland from Creepon Beach. Slowly Goodzilla rose from the swamps amid a shower of sparks and electrical energy. On seeing its friend the Budmonster locked in mortal combat with a lizard like monster similar to itself it charged forward into the fight.

Naturally everyone witnessing the fight assumed that Badzilla and Goodzilla would fight each other. Who would ever have expected the two giant lizards to turn on the Budmonster?

With evil intent the two giant lizards stomped on the Budmonster until the poor creature was separated into two distinct piles, one pile of drying mud and the other of perfectly pressed beer cans which the two lizard monsters dragged off to the salvage yard.

Naturally, our enterprising salvage yard operator, on seeing a good thing, pressed the two monsters into the job of flattening all the old automotive hulks for shipment to the nearest foundry. He then got the monsters to use their fiery breath to burn any contaminants from the soil in the yard. Once this was done, he paid the two giant lizards and wished them, farewell.

I’ll just bet that all this time you thought it was some huge machine that crushed the old cars.


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