Alternate Life Styles




Spring is the time of regrowth; this is also true of Mount Perry, Florida. With this very thought in mind there was a big parade down Jefferson street the other day. Activists from organizations such as, “The Gay Rights Movement”, “Women’s Lib.”, and other organizations promoting alternate life styles, joined together to promote their cause in the streets of Mount Perry, Florida, with their First Annual Parade.

Naturally our local Conservatives did not look on this expression of individual taste with great favor. Still, in the friendly spirit of allowing the other guy to freely express his, or her opinion, our conservative fellows lined either side of the street and silently watched as the marchers passed by.

Contrary to fears by our esteemed Mount Perry Police Department, the Conservative groups did not interfere in any way with the marching contingents. As a matter of fact, our thoughtful Conservatives seemed to be guiding the parade toward the Mount Perry Sports Stadium and Gladiatorial Arena.

The rest of the population of Mount Perry, almost to a man, had gathered at the Mount Perry Sports Stadium and Gladiatorial Arena, to help the marchers celebrate their cause and enjoy the planned entertainment. A glowing spirit of friendly cooperation and good will settled over our beautiful town as the parade marched from the corner of Ash Street and North Jefferson Street, South along Jefferson Street to the celebration at the Arena.

Along the way the marchers displayed their placards and threw handfuls of little pink ribbons out to the silent Conservatives who lined either side of the route. Some of the Gay Rights Activists, having removed some of their clothing, danced along to the music of the marching band and cavorted in a suggestive way to the bystanders. Their partially clad bodies glistening in the sun light from the sweat caused by the heat of the day.

At the Mount Perry Sports Stadium and Gladiatorial Arena, the marchers were treated to a table loaded with drinks of all types and food in great abundance. Our very own Mayor and secret leader of the local Militant Skin Head Movement, gave a welcoming speech to the marchers and suggested the floor of the arena be flooded with water to cool the marchers off a bit, making them more comfortable.

This idea was greeted with howls of approval by the marchers as they discarded the rest of their clothing and cavorted naked through the water spray. As the depth of the water gradually increased to about two feet in depth, the cavorting groups were slowed a bit but the merrymaking and the consumption of food, continued unabated.

All this time the crowd of Conservatives watched in silence from their position in the bleachers, which surrounded the Mount Perry Sports Stadium and Gladiatorial Arena. There seemed to be growing sense anticipation in the crowd of onlookers as the entrance gates were sealed to contain the water, which slowly flooded the floor of the arena.

About the time the water reached two feet in depth, our Mayor gave a subtle signal to the maintenance personnel around the arena, hundreds of large and very hungry alligators were released onto the flooded floor.

Now it was time for the Conservatives to display their emotions. They stood in the bleachers and screamed their support for their favorite alligators. Free drinks and food were distributed among the formally silent crowd. Both Conservative onlooker and alligator now enjoyed themselves with great abandon.

Today, as I sit here in the front of our store, which faces Jefferson Street, I can see the few who survived the festivities chained together as they push brooms along the street cleaning up all the pink ribbon they had thrown out into the crowds. The local Conservatives have once again lined the streets and are trying their best to guide the tattered survivors back to the arena.
As I understand things, at this moment, plans for a Second Annual Parade have been postponed indefinitely.

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