Today, the Mount Perry, Florida, Scientific Community was shocked to learn about the anti gravity machine developed by Mount Perry’s only true resident hermit, Yodar DiDingbat. DiDingbat lives alone in a cave, high up on the slopes of our beloved Mount Perry.
The implications of such a discovery are mind-boggling. An automobile capable of cruise for thousands of miles on a single tank of gasoline. A weightless basket to carry the groceries upstairs after a shopping spree. Cheap affordable space travel. To name only a few. Colonizing the Moon may no longer be beyond our economic grasp.
All that remains to be done is to talk DiDingbat into telling the rest of us how he accomplished this incredible feat, if indeed he really did make an anti gravity machine. Casual observations, however, seem to indicate he has had some success.
It is known for a fact, DiDingbat has been buying all kinds of electronic gadgetry with the gold he says he made with his home chemistry kit. He maintains he had a bunch of lead bars he didn’t need and through the application of various chemicals turned them to gold bars
Of course, no one believes his story about the gold and it is assumed he found a small vein of gold somewhere in the back of his cave and has been mining it ever since. However, with a hermit like DiDingbat, one never really knows for sure.
Members of the scientific community have been trying to puzzle out how he did what he said he did by buying the same list of components DiDingbat bought. Then assembling them in different random configurations, all the while hoping to duplicate his accomplishment.
The machine that seems to be giving them the most trouble is the unit developed by our very own Electrical Expert, Dr. Hi Voltage, it’s called, “Der Gross Blitz Schnagger”. No one has yet figured out exactly what it is or what it’s supposed to do. As yet there are no conclusions. Everyone who tries to approach the machine has been promptly electrocuted. Scientists willing to try to unravel this mystery are getting harder and harder to find.
It seems this machine is designed to be left out in the open during a lightning storm. Lightning striking the unit is supposed to charge it up with huge amounts of electrical energy like a storage battery. It is assumed this machine is the primary source of electricity DiDingbat is using to run his anti gravity machine but here again, no one knows for sure.
Once the Der Gross Blitz Schnagger has been charged, anyone who makes the mistake of getting to within one hundred feet or so of a massive bolt of electricity zaps it. This is probably the very same problem that hospitalized Dr. Voltage shortly after he built the thing.
It is assumed DiDingbat overcame this problem with the long heavy-duty electrical cable that leads out of his cave entrance and terminates at the lightning rod at the very top of our beloved mountain. However, without interviewing DiDingbat himself. Again, no one knows for sure.
It is hoped we can communicate with Yodar DiDingbat in the very near future. There does seem to be a rather urgent need, as our beloved mountain seems to be floating an inch or two above the swamp level. We need to find out how to turn his machine off before Mount Perry floats away in the next windstorm.
There is a deep fear among the people of our fair town, however. The last time anyone spoke to DiDingbat he indicated he had a deep desire for world travel. The large anchor stuck out in the swamp and the heavy cable running up to the anchor winch up in DiDingbat’s cave has done little to alleviate this fear.
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